It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything publicly, and I’m sure one day I’ll explain publicly why. But as I had words pressing onto and out of my heart tonight, I found that a Facebook post on the topic just wouldn’t do. I also realize many, or even most of my Facebook friends don’t share my same faith or perspective (which is 100% fine), and I don’t want to become that one person on your Facebook feed who is always ranting on about Jesus (you know who you are). In fact, I am the last-qualified person to be ranting on about him, let alone speaking his name, but here I am, doing it, because I have a hope that maybe this divulging of thought inside of me might help someone else identify the same inside of them.
And no, this post has nothing to do with my opinion on politics, climate change, abortion, or 50 Shades of Grey.
This post is about seasons.
I’ve just entered a brand new season in my life that isn’t the most glamorous. Yes, I’m incredibly blessed and live in one of the most opulent cities in the world, I adore my job, friends, family (and fur children Beni and Sela, duh) but I mean glamorous in terms of “calling.” I’m not sure how much of this is an overshare, but I keep trying to find a way to explain this without going into details and it’s just difficult so here it goes.
God is calling me right now, in this season, to double down and focus on my health: emotional, spiritual and physical. What’s so terrible about that?
Nothing, really. There’s just nothing really exciting about it, either. In fact it’s rather annoying.
What that looks like for me in this season, is giving up some of the things in life I truly love: excessive amounts of beer and wine, late nights, french fries… even certain social situations that normally I’d be in the thick of–but that I know right now would be damaging for my heart. It means giving up some reality tv in exchange for reading books that are feeding my mind. Not going to happy hour and giving my body sleep instead. Trading in my fridge staple of chardonnay for La Croix and kombucha (yes, I know kombucha still has minimal alcohol, thanks). Vitamins. Counseling. Doctors visits. Double-dipping church on Sunday. Really, whatever it takes right now to “get well,” in every sense of the word.
Where am I going with this.
This simple, but important task, is what I know (to the best of my ability and discernment) that the Lord has put in front of me: Healing. And it’s really hard work. Forget what I said about it not being so terrible haha. For extroverted me there are days when it is TERRIBLE. And those of you who know me know I’m not the most disciplined of people. I shirk at rules, schedules, and anything that’s too regimented or planned.
I’m still in the middle–nay, really the beginning–of this season. But I’m learning something that is key: What God asks of us for a season, he rarely asks of us for a lifetime. It is usually US who turn his instructions into all-or-nothing statements, and when we do that, we sabotage our own obedience because we’ve put an unrealistic expectation on ourselves.
Now, I’m not talking about every instruction. You may be an alcoholic. And God MAY very well ask you to give up alcohol for the rest of your life in order to SAVE your life. But we must be careful that we don’t bite off more than we can chew with God, especially if what we’re biting onto is not even HIS truth.
If I thought that I would never be able to go to another cocktail party, never go on a date, eat another french fry, watch another marathon season of The Real Housewives while eating chocolate chip pancakes in my pajamas on a Saturday morning instead of working out (by which I mean walking my dog lolz), well, to hell with this mess! I. AM. OUT. That’s not the life I want. That’s baloney. That’s impossible.
And suddenly God seems to me like some cosmic Nazi out to ruin my life instead of the loving father and guide he really is.
Truth be told, I DO NOT KNOW if God will ever re-introduce into my life some things that he’s asking me to humbly go without in this season. I truly believe that he will, and when he does, they will be richer, and better, and used correctly and have a right place and standing in my heart. But I know what he’s asking me in this season, and that’s all that he is asking. I can’t drink kombucha out of a wine glass for the rest of my life. But I can do it today. Maybe for a few weeks. And that’s all that Jesus needs sometimes to get our attention and do something miraculous.
If you can’t commit to a lifetime of…
- Being single.
- Going to church when you’d rather sleep in on Sunday.
- Going to a counselor.
- Never again eating junk food.
- Never spending money on something you like.
- Living far from your family.
Don’t think about your whole life. No one can take on that shit. It’s overwhelming. Just think about today. Think about this season. Say for this season, I will do this. Never is a powerful word. Always is a powerful word. We are so human and so fallible the only one who can really stay true to always and never statements is God himself. So do not take his thunder.
Be faithful in the season in front of you and trust him to take care of the rest.
Preaching to myself, as always.